Thursday, 29 March 2012
I am a true believer in destiny, especially after the year of 2008 where my life changed completely. Had I have known at the time that my life would take on so many twists and turns, maybe I would have been more cautious in my decision making. But looking back, I regret nothing, and I firmly believe that what happened had to happen, exactly as it did, for me to end up where I am right now.
I think of mistakes in the past (and trust me I have made a few) and I think of losses. Dreams being shattered around my feet, promises being broken, feelings being trampled on without any thought of the consequences, and it makes me appreciate the good things in my life. It's a bitter pill to swallow when one realises that the things that shape your present and future include the bad stuff of the past that you may wish never happened. But as I said, I never look back and regret, nor do I hark back to times before and wish I was back there, you cannot change the past or relive it, so I just accept my history for what it is and live in the present.
But wouldn't it be interesting if life could go all Sliding Doors, the movie with Gwyneth Paltrow that was made a few years back? Imagine if you missed the perverbial train? Where would I be right now had the 2008 incident not happened? Interesting question hey? Where would you be right now, had the events that changed your life had never occured at all? It would be fascinating to watch wouldn't it? A personal movie of your alternate life. I know I wouldn't be able to resist having a peek at a version of myself in an alternate reality where me and a certain other had never have met. Where would I be? Who would I be? What would I be doing? It's a sad conclusion that the answers to those questions most probably wouldn't amount to much, and that I would still be the soft touch that I was in my younger years. But I don't dwell on this fact as it is not who I am right now, and I am certain it will never be me again. I am pretty sure that the good friends that I made along the way would still be there, but I can also quite imagine the not so good ones that in this life didn't last, plus a few other new 'not so goods', would be added to the mix.
It's interesting also, because I have made some newer friends recently, ones who I could now never imagine my life being without. A couple of them have said to me that they wish that we had met sooner, but I always tell them that we were not destined to meet sooner, as maybe the lives we led back then didn't give us the common ground that we have now. Destiny played a part in our paths crossing, and due to that, we met when we were meant to meet, exactly how we were meant to meet. It makes me think of the people that faded, or drastically exited out of my life, and again it makes me realise that maybe they were only meant to play a small part. We all have had those people in our existance, the ones that drift in and back out, or leave with such a huge explosion that it takes awhile to clear up the mess. But it's worth thinking that those individuals most probably just have a different destiny to us, and that maybe they have no part in our happier future. Surely it is better to let them go, as maybe they are so different, or so opposed to the way we live our lives, that it would be detrimental to cling on to them in a false hope. Maybe they will return, but maybe they won't, and who knows who we will meet along the way. Without sounding too corny, I believe that after letting go, you can bet that something better will come along that will give new purpose. And from what I have seen in life, this statement usually seems to be true.
Looking at this also makes me realise that life is too short for the 'What if's?' that we are all guilty of contemplating. "What if we had got together?" "What if we had made it work?" "What if I had said what I wanted to really say?" Think about it, what if you were never meant to know the answers to these questions? Or what if you did find the answers and they didn't make things any better. Is it really worth torturing yourself with the "What if's?" in the belief they are the key to a happier you. I honestly don't think so, not anymore, and this in turn has lead me to a path of acceptance, that of myself, of others, and of life, and I sincerely hope that you agree with me on this subject.