All Night Long?!?

I need an answer to a question, and I want reasons. Why do men think it is desirable to go at it all night long in the sack? And when I say all night long, I mean All... Night... Long!
Come on boys, Is that what you think a woman really wants, a marathon event that would require a pack of pro-plus and a litre bottle of red bull?
I am going to be truthful now and admit that I am not a tart, but frankly I am not an angel either. My number is not high, but my shiny halo is a ghost of its former self. And in my own personal experience I have found it a common thought that men believe a woman wants his manhood to go up as the sun goes down and then for the climax to occur as Mr sun pops up again. We allegedly want banging, we want the pounding, we want a million positions a night. Don't even try to just fob us off with a position of the fortnight! We want to look like we've been riding a horse all night, and we want to walk like ducks.
Well maybe I am a freak, and I must be behind the times or something, but I don't want this at all.
 I have seen that look on a partners face, you know, the look that says he is reciting his times tables, the concentrated frown as he thinks of all the names of the members of his favourite football team, the qwiver as he brings to mind his ugly workmate. All this to prolong the event and hold off his 'wham bam thankyou mam' and I am going to be honest, I wish he wouldn't!
I am going to be frank now, I am a working woman, with a hectic lifestyle, and seriously, after awhile all I want to do is sleep after a bit of the happy stuff. Surely he does too, right? Well in my experience no he does not, far from it! Sleep is the last thing that is on Mr All Night's mind.

Now, please, don't get me wrong here, I am not a prude or a bore, I like a bit of the horizontal sport like anyone else. But I compare it to chocolate. Lovely when you fancy it, and perfect when you just get the right amount. Too much in one go can make you feel sick, and it puts you off eating more for quite some time. Sex is the same (well to me) the right amount at the right time cannot be beaten. I always like to go with the flow in these situations. If the man thinks he is going to climax in five seconds flat, that isn't a problem, I would actually find it more of a turn on! At least I know he is having a good time, that the buttons I am pushing are the correct ones! I want to enjoy it, yes, but I want him to also, he wouldn't be in my bed, or I in his, if that wasn't the case here.

And I must ask, as we are here, Is prolonging the experience and holding off really enjoyable for a man? Truthfully? Honestly?  I can't imagine it always is. It must get painful after awhile when you hold off the climax. Wouldn't you worry that you would lose it, that the moment would be spoiled?

 All night sex makes me worry that I am doing something wrong, and as a result he can't reach the grande fenale. I'd be in a panic that he was bored and not enjoying the moment in hand, so to speak. I'd be laying there thinking that maybe my body looked weird in his eyes, or that he was silently grading me and that the result was poor. My throat would get sore with all the Meg Ryan style fakes I would perform to encourage him to let go and 'pop his cork' and my head would hurt from all the concentrating!
In truth I must confess I have pulled off performances like this, all whilst having the above thoughts go through my mind. It has been on more than one occasion, with more than one man (at seperate times obviously) and it's almost made me paranoid. I am not saying these experiences were not good, on the contrary, they were great, but that look would then cross his face and it would take all my efforts not to yell in frustration. In frankness, after awhile, things start to get uncomfortable and the head starts to swim, I've had the perfect amount and, surely, he has to, judging by the erm, sounds going on, but it seems that nope, he has not, or he believes I have not, so we get more, and more, and more. The birds start cheeping, the sun reappears, the alarm goes off and he finally gives in and lets go. Sounds fantastic in theory, yes, but in reality? It's tiring, and black bags under the eyes? Well that's not a womans best look really is it?
So the moral of my story is this boys, give up the myth that women want all night action, because nine times out of ten, we do not. Think if it as a big old chocolate fudge cake, and go with the flow, yes we are desperate to dive right in there, we are going to love it, we definately want it, but to eat the whole lot in one go?!

 I rest my case.

The Feminist Movement

Now this is one of my favourite subjects! One that has caused much debate, can spark arguements and has caused strike action for the demand of equal rights! It's a disussion that I love to air with friends, male or female, and it is something that will always be very important to me.
I think that the stand our Mothers and Grandmothers took on the original issue plays a part in how we look at it ourselves. I wrote a history paper on the Suffragettes fighting for a womans right to vote when I was eleven, and my primary school teacher said she really enjoyed reading it, it made her feel she was right there, living the experience. It is a shame I no longer have this paper, but I remember writing it, and feeling very passionate about my work. I wrote about women marching and chaining themselves to the government railings to prove thier point and be heard, and I remember enjoying this project very much. It sparked my interest in The Feminst Movement that occured in the Sixties and it was the start of me hunting down research, reading stories and watching movies that were based on this. I look around my flat now, and I can see that my life choices and entertainment means are based on women who are strong and self sufficient.

There will always be lots of talk about what women did and fought for to enable us to have the rights we do these days. Not all that long ago it was always the norm for men to to go work, do all the driving, to be the main breadwinner, and to be the protecter whilst the women stayed at home being the housewife. Men were the superior sex who could go to university if they opted to, whilst women had no such choice. They had the worry of learning how to cook, getting dinner on the table on time, keeping house and raising the children, all whilst looking presentable and smiling like they were on a permanent toothpaste add. Men ruled the household, made all the major decisions, and most of the time women were expected just to obey.
But thankfully, women started fighting back, demanding the right to vote, to be given equal pay, and to be treated with respect. As it says in 'Sisters Are Doing It For Themselves' by Annie Lennox and Aretha Franklin, women started stepping out of the kitchen and ringing their own bells, and it wasn't a moment too soon in coming either!
 I will always feel unspeakably proud of the women who decided they would take action, and its thanks to them that we have the rights we do these days! We still have a long way to go though, as it is still commonplace to hear about domestic violence, rape and discrimination in the work place, so our fight will always continue. We need to open those 'closed doors' that can be spoken about in these cases and take the stigma of shame away from those who have suffered.

The Feminist Movement has changed somewhat in the twenty first century though, and I think this is a good thing, but it's sad to see that a few people view the word 'Feminist' in a negative way, picturing GI Janes who hate men. This is not how I view the whole thing at all, on the contrary I see it as a very positive movement. Nowadays it is based on the right to choose and having equality whilst still being a woman. Being a Feminist does not mean not shaving your armpits or legs to prove a point, nor does it mean throwing your make up bag away. It is not mandatory to be butch to be a feminist, you can still be feminine whilst holding onto your beliefs. Let's be fair, bra burning would be a costly hobby if the negative attitudes were to be believed and it would be even worse if Primark didn't stock your size (as is the case with me).
It is good to see that wearing heels and flattering clothes is a choice that can be made purely for yourself, rather than a way to lure a husband and breadwinner, and making an effort with your appearance is for your own self esteem and benefit. Women with children now have the choice to return to work if they so wish, or they can stay at home and raise their baby if that is what they want and can afford. I think these choices and beliefs are liberating and it is good to see that it is the norm now rather than a distant dream. Our feminist foremothers fought hard for this, and although the outside appearance may have changed somewhat, the sentiment and belief is still the same.

But even today this subject can create interesting discussions. A lot of my younger counterparts think Feminism is dead now, due to it not affecting them and thier choices. The older generations can appear either side of the fence depending on how they felt when it all originally kicked off, and us born on the cusp of it all can sometimes feel torn by the old and the new. We can see the older generation sticking to 'the good old ways' whilst the younger go through life like a blazing cannon.
I have had many things said to me about being a "good girl" by numerous people from the more mature of age, at various work places etc, and it has always been expected of many a woman to "get on with it" "carry on regardless" and "not air the dirty laundry"  People of my generation, and there abouts, can get very confused, and exausted by it all!
I will give you an example of  the difference in attitudes, the other day a colleague and I were talking about a heavy bag of sand that needed moving, she said "Where is a man when you need one?". And my response to this? Well, I dont make a habit of swearing in front of the little ones, but it is a miracle that 'my little chops' (as I shall call him) did not add the word "Bollocks" to his vast growing vocabulary! I then picked up the bag of sand, moved it to where it needed to go, and washed my mouth out with soap. Luckily there have been no more bags of sand since, which means I have not had to watch, or wash my mouth! I will try to be more careful in future, not because I want to come across more ladylike, demure and charming, oh no! I am happy as I am thankyou very much. I will just instead be aware that tiny ears may just be listening! But I hope this proves that when it comes to being a feminist, I hold my flag high (and yes I have shaved!) I have no shame in voicing my beliefs, and I sincerely hope that there are many others who agree with me, male and female. Because lets be honest here, Its all about equal rights across the board, and surely thats a good thing?

Have a good one guys :)

So here's the season to be jolly. The time of year when it is ok to over-indulge in all things naughty. I know I will work my way through copious amounts of chocolate, wine, cocktails, and crisps. I will grab my mistletoe and kiss unsuspecting hot strangers. I will sit amist the wrapping paper with a big smile early christmas morning. It will be lovely to spend time with family and friends, catching up and having a good old gossip. Christmas is a time to be happy and enjoy, to not worry about the past or fret about the future. So I just wanted to write a quick brief post to wish you a Happy Christmas. Have fun, eat, drink, be merry (I will be hehe) and hope to see you in the new year, enjoy guys! xx

Let me be your fantasy!

Ok, it's time to tap into my inner Carrie Bradshaw, time to get a bit risque with my writing. I always follow my instincts and go with what inspires me, and this is no exception. I can't devulge too much about what caused me to write this post, but let's just say, at Saturday nights party (what I remember of it) some things came to light and opened my eyes even further than they already are. It was fun, and very interesting, definately one that will stay in my mind for awhile (again, what I can remember of it that is!) I came away with a steaming hangover and a new blogpost, which to be honest I contemplated not writing due to various reasons, but then caution must be thrown at times, yes?
So, let me elaborate in a round about way what got my juices flowing this week. We all ended up talking about.......stuff, and until then, it had never really crossed my mind to contemplate sexual fantasies and where they may stem from, but it is now something I am sure I will muse on when stuck indoors on a dark winter evening.

So, where do our fantasies and desires come from? Are they plucked from pure fancy or do they stem from past issues and experiences? Is it possible that someone who was domineered as a child will get their rocks off from being a dominator in the bedroom? Would someone who has had to be the boss in life want to be the submissive servant in sex? Would your hard-nosed friend/workmate/boss get off on being spanked, being told they have been a very naughty girl whilst having orders barked at them to get undressed right away. Does your quiet sweet little mate dream of putting on the fishnets, grabbing that whip, handcuffing some poor unfortunate soul to the bed and letting him know who really is in charge around here. That man that gives his seat up on the bus, hands over his spare change to the homeless person and smiles shyly at you in the street could very well fantasise about blindfolding you, then using the spanking paddle and gag. It can kind of make you think, hey?

In previous generations sex was a taboo subject that didn't get openly discussed, but in this day and age it is often the topic of lots of drunken and sober conversations. I personally think this is a good thing, as I am sure many a person has wandered if they are normal or not when it comes to preferences of the sexual kind (I know I have). Media, fashion and music also seems to reflect our open minded approach to experimental sex and fantasies these days, S&M by Rihanna comes to mind, as well as pvc, studded boots and fishnet tights. Sex And The City is a loved TV series and film which many women will know off by heart. It is pretty commonplace to have been to an Ann Summers party now, and let's be honest here, most women have a little something special hidden in the bedside drawer! It no longer seems to matter how many sexual partners you may have had, nor is it just the stuff of dodgy men in trench coats, it is open and out there for us to see and talk about, and there is no shame in it either. So next time you are out shopping and you stumble across an Ann Summers or a sex shop, be brave, go inside, take a look. You may find me in there, or worst case senario, your boss or shy little mate.

In The Waiting Line?

Do the best things come to those who wait?  Is patience really a virtue? Can time be your best friend?
I often ask myself this question. It's funny really, because there are times when a woman just cannot wait. I am sure you know what I mean. We watch the clock for the end of the working day to come so we can go home and pour ourselves a nice glass of wine. We camp by the letterbox for the E-Bay delivery to arrive that was ordered, like, ten minutes ago. We count down the hours until the time comes to meet those friends for a well earned catch up. We get impatient in the queue when we decide we fancy a tub of Ben&Jerrys and want it NOW! We start a diet but the scales tell us, two hours later, that we haven't lost a single ounce. It's times like these that makes us realise waiting is not a fun passtime, and when we don't want to wait, why does time seem to get much much slower?

But then there are the things we will always wait for. Some of us, myself included, have waited for an age for the decleration of love to come from an ex, or an unsuitable crush that we find ourselves lusing after. We will wait for the perfect item of clothing to come along in our favourite store, or that dream lipstick or miracle moisturiser that will make us look five years younger. We hope and prey that the miracle diet will come along that lets us eat what we want and enables us to shrink at least two dress sizes in the process. We often telepathically try to communicate with our bosses, asking for that long overdue pay rise that is allegedly waiting in the wings. We dream of the perfect job with the perfect pay packet. We cheerfully inspect our nails or read trashy magazines whilst we wait for the friend that takes an age to get ready for a night out. We will definately wait, standing as still as statues, getting cramp in the process, for the nail varnish to dry and the self tan to sink in.

But, we must ask ourselves, what is worth waiting for? Will the dream lipstick, fantastic pair of jeans, miracle moisturiser ever really appear? Will that friend ever be on time? Is that ex or unrequited crush really worth your time and efforts? It's all to easy to let life pass you by as you wait for that perfect moment to crash through your door and bring you the happiness you think it will. I always think it's best to look at what you have now, and evaluate what is important. If you feel that you are entitled to more, then go on out there and ask for it, you deserve it! If you are getting sick of hoping that man will open his eyes, smell the coffee and come a banging on your door, well sod him, it is his loss, and he must have taken leave of his senses or something. And with that friend that is always late, don't wait, it may do them good to realise that you have a limit to how much you can take. Time waits for no woman, and sometimes, I think we need to remember that. Life is too short to wait for perfection that may not even exist. That does not mean I think we should settle for second best, hell no! I think we should live life to the max and appreciate the good stuff we already have. But we should feel free to go out there and get more of what we are entitled to. If some things don't work out, well so be it, something better will come along. One thing I sure as hell will not be doing is wasting time in the waiting line....well unless that miracle moisturiser or fantastic pair of jeans is on the horizon that is, then I might just develop a more patient streak, for about ten minutes, because after that I would no doubt start craving Ben&Jerrys and end up fidgeting in the supermarket express isle whilst hoping my E-Bay order has arrived on my doorstep whilst I had popped out. I am sure you agree with me, yes? But give me ten more minutes though, my nail varnish hasn't quite dried and my self tan hasn't sunk in yet, and I have a cramp!

Intense love, the good, the bad and the ugly

This is a blog that I have to tread very carefully with, one that is like stepping on a field of landmines. In writing this, I do not want to open a can of worms that will be almost impossible to close again. So I will walk with caution, and omit some very tricky details. Those who know me well will know exactly where I am coming from and will understand completely what I mean.

So, intense love? What is it and who has had it? I have, at one point, been involved in a love that was so like this it caused me to change my whole life, first at the start of of the relationship, then at the end, to pick up the pieces.
It didn't work out, and when looking back it is glaringly obvious why. I came out a totally different person to the one who went in and I was taught some hard lessons along the way.
I have since learned, that in most cases, intense love is not designed to last, it burns bright but extinguishes fast (and usually with a huge explosion). It starts like a fairytale and ends in a nightmare. It is like a coin with two sides, and when the coin flips, you sure as hell know about it.
I am not just talking about my own story here, as I always like to do research when writing blogs. I have read about, and spoken to many a person who has experienced this kind of love and has come out with burnt fingers and deep mental scars. It has made them look deep inside themselves and take stock on what has happened.

So what do I mean when I say The Good, The Bad, The Ugly? For those who have not experienced this kind of love, it may seem odd that I am writing a blog that will look at the cons of having a partner that worships the ground you walk upon.
 I won't lie, it is amazing to have someone tell you that you are the best thing that has happened to them. You can't believe your luck when they say they feel blessed to have you in thier world. You think you are dreaming when they start to shower you with gifts. But with the coin anology, there is usually a flipside. In every case I have stumbled upon, read and/or heard about, there is the talk of insecurity, jealousy, possessiveness and neediness that transpires from this relationship. Before one knows it, they are walking on egg-shells and will do almost anything to keep the peace and have a quiet life. They find they have to give details about where they are going and who they are with, it is required that they edit people from thier lives, and they have to be very careful about what they say and do.
By the time the relationship is in full swing, there appears to be an imbalance of power. It is like a see-saw of alternating good and bad times. Emotions run high and the levels of self-esteem are low.
Ok, I can hear you saying, isn't this what normal relationships are like? There will always be bad times as well as good. Jealousy and the like can make an appearance somewhere from time to time, life and love is not a bed of roses. Yes I totally agree with you, and I completely understand what you are saying, but to have these things rule your life? Well that is a different story entirely. I have been down this path, and it is not one I wish to tread again, ever, and I know there are others who feel the exact same way.
Walking away from this type of love is never an easy option, and it always takes a large amount of courage to do so. Starting again with nothing is not a walk in the park, and relying on your survival instinct to get you through is exausting. Picking up the broken pieces is not a choice, but a necessity if you want to feel happiness again. But if you are in this boat yourself, it is very possible, you can do it, and you have made the right decision in leaving, trust me on that! If you need help along the way, there is no shame in it, go and ask! Take as long as you need to recover, draw on support from your loved ones and know that you will get there, sooner or later.

Anyway enough of the negatives. I always like to add an element of light-heartedness to my blogs. If I keep on this thread I will end up feeling depressed and I do not want to go to that place, life is good right now and I am a happy little blogger.
 I am pleased to say that my rule book has completely changed now that I am free, I am all for meeting a man who is a typical lad, a real bloke. I am sure you know what I mean, a man that's a geezer. He makes you feel special but likes to hang with the boys. He who watches the football and thinks its hilarious to burp loudly whilst you watch Sex And The City. One that you may not see or hear from for days on end and who sometimes forgets to reply to texts. He can't remember the names of your friends but doesn't get jealous when you head out for a night on the town with them. You don't have to give this man regular updates of where you are, or what you are doing, and he won't misconstrue the fact that you are wearing a skirt and heels. He laughs when he sees you put your make up on but doesn't accuse you of cheating because of it. This is the man that can become a kid when his mates are around, but dotes on you when you are alone together. A bloke that can quote lines from Top Gear and collects beer mats in his batchelor pad. A night in the pub is a religion to him and the bar crawl stories are cheesy. But at least with this man, a woman will know what she is getting into. There will be no hidden flipsides or rides on eternal see-saws. You may not get placed on a pedestal, but then you can't be rudely shoved off it either. You won't be the centre of his existence one minute then the cause of all his woes the next. What you see is what you get. If this is what is next for me, then bring it on! I can hand on heart say that if the only things that are intense in my life are the conditioners I occasionally slap in my hair, or the Ice-creams I can't resist digging into, well that suits me. I do not need an intense love affair, and nor do I want one again. Been there, done that, worn the t-shirt. Someone else is wearing it now and all I can say is, hope it fits, but if not? Take the damn thing off before it gets too uncomfortable!

To shame or not to shame? That is the question!

Come on, we've all been there. Ok, maybe not the tee-totallers, but most of us have. Let's be honest, I know I have been there, and on more than one occasion, I must add. What am I on about, you ask, ok I will elaborate.
You have a bad week at work, and/or something happen in your personal life. Or maybe you haven't eaten properly that day, or just maybe you have lost track of how much you have had to drink before you went out. You go with your friends for a night out on the town and for whatever reason, you decide that you will be a one person drinking machine!
Sometimes you wake up the next morning with hazy but happy memories of letting off steam and laughing with your friends, but unfortunately, sometimes it's worse. You regain conciousness with a phone full of messages asking if you are ok, you have the hangover that Satan would be proud of and to top it off zero memory after a certain time. You are filled in by your companions later on that you were declaring love to unsuspecting strangers, you had drunk text your ex telling him you wished he was dead then in the next sentance proposing marriage and wanting his babies! You had your head down the toilet and sick down your top. You were crying, then you ended up being carried out of the club falling asleep.

Ok, I can here you saying "Yes, and the point to this is?" Alright I will explain what has got me on my soapbox. With the development of technology these days, for many a person, when a night out like this occurs, it doesn't just get pencilled down as experience, a mistake that can be made occasionally, just human nature from time to time, nope! For some unfortunate souls it becomes mandatory for pals whip out thier cameras and phones then splatter it all over the social netwoking pages for all to see, and how lovely is that? It no longer is just something that you want to forget about as soon as possible, but something all your friends, family, work colleagues and even possibly your bosses can view and make judgement on. Its there, and permanently, for others to look at. It happened to one girl I know, and I am outraged on her behalf! What on earth did she do so wrong that caused someone to think it would be nice to post these pictures up. I would bet this girl has bought the guilty man drinks, given him lifts etc, what a nice way to pay her back!

It got me thinking, what kind of mates are we if we take pictures of our friends in these states, post them on facebook and/or click 'like' afterwards. What has given us the right to name and shame our friends and make it public? Is this one step away from internet bullying? Are we all turning nasty? Plus now, with all the other things on our minds do we really have to worry that we could log onto our pages and be confronted with the pictorial evidence that our so called mates thought would be 'Hilarious'.

 What we need to think about is how it will affect the person in question. They could be really ashamed, It could get them fired, they could have strict families or partners that could react in a nasty way, we just don't know. Wouldn't it just be fairer to take your friend home, put them to bed and check on them the next day, all the time whilst keeping your phones and cameras safely tucked away. Isn't that what a real friend does, or at least attempt to sober them up and generally be there for them. According to what I've seen, it appears not, instead we make it public and laugh at their misfortune.

It was also down to Derren Brown's Experiments; The Gameshow, that I felt I had to defend this girl. The show in question looked at faceless people who decided the fate of an unsuspecting man. With this programme Derren taught me that you always have an option, to do good or to do bad. Would I become a faceless person laughing at my mate who had the joy of having these pictures posted? No I would not! The male friend of hers who thought it would be fun to post the photos not only invited others to laugh, but also to comment. If he didn't like what I wrote on the pics, well, tough! He had option A, not to take them or post them, but he chose option B, and in doing so caused me voice my opinion on the matter. It also made me contemplate naming and shaming him, but then would that be choosing option B myself and becoming nasty? Maybe, yes, and I am not that person, it's not in my nature. I am safe in the knowledge that my friends and I are genuine and wouldn't dream of taking such pictures of each other, and when it comes to options, I am proud to say I would choose option A each time