Sunday, 26 February 2012
In this post I am going to look at the elusive F.W.B. I am sure you know what I mean, yes? You know what it stands for surely....Friend With Benefits.
I am not harping on about the woman with the generous credit card, or the chum that lets you raid her wardrobe, I am also not waxing lyrical about the girl who lets you practically live at her place for free. Nope, I am talking about the F.W.B of the male variety, or the Booty Call as he can otherwise be known. The man that was a date, or maybe he wasn't a date, the one who you 'hook up' with from time to time when you are single and the mood suits. It is here I will discuss the pros and cons of having one and I will be as honest as I can without leaving my soul totally bare.
I won't lie now, I have a little background information on having a F.W.B and I am not ashamed of it, as at the time it was fun. I know many others who have also had a Booty Caller, and they have told me that there were no regrets. But if you never have had one before, and are contemplating jumping on the F.W.B saddle, you need to know what you are getting into, and your heart needs to stay firmly in your chest. You can't even begin to think about it turning into the next great love of your life, because in reality, it rarely becomes this. Booty calls are good for scratching the so-called itch, and they can be a good ego boost when you are feeling a bit blagh, but if you think you are going to start imagining what your babies will look like, and you start humming the wedding march when you see this man next, then walk away, fast, or it will only end in tears, and the wet tissues will be yours, not his.
There is another thing with the booty call that may rear its ugly head, as I have found out recently. If, like in my case, the F.W.B you once had disappears from the radar, you generally get on with your life, move on and think Cest Le Vie. You lay his poor distant soul to rest with all the ex boyfriends and old dates etc that litter your past and you leave him there, under a stone marked with "fun times".
So what happens when one returns from the dead to haunt you again months later? When, as you drift off to sleep, your phone vibrates with a "How are you baby?" text.
You had consigned this man to the bargain bin for some other girl to pick up, and had never even thought that he may want to come out to play for old times sake. This happened to me the other day and I was completely baffled by it! I decided to play it cool and treat him like an old mate, but it was difficult when in the past we were not 'old mates' at all. I responded with a "Great thanks" but part of me wanted to reply to his text with "Why what are you expecting, that we can pick up from where we left off?" Was he really thinking that I hadn't moved on since him.
It got me wondering, do men like this believe we just go on stand-by when they depart our shores, that we just wait, on hold, for them to, erm, turn us on again. Are they that delusional? Well, I'm sorry to point out the obvious, Mr F.W.B, but if that is how you saw me, well you were a tad mistaken.
I also want to point out here that I have seen this guys latest profile picture on facebook recently (the profile which allegedly had a "virus" and needed to be deleted) I am really betting that is not the mans sister pressed up next to him grinning from ear to ear. I am also betting that the pic he once sent me was not viewed by me and me alone. I am no idealist, I really do not need that big fat dose of reality without the sugar coating to know what a booty call is. I have no illusions that I was the only one in this mans life. But it seems to this fella that I was just sat there waiting for him to get in contact again, so it's right here and right now that I will take a pin to that little bubble and burst it. He will remain in the graveyard of the history of me forever more, under the stone marked "fun times" where he belongs. No regrets, no shame, but no seances to resurrect old ghosts either. He had his chance, he blew it.
So I will end now with a message to all of you out there who are contemplating the F.W.B, or are currently in a situation with one. Enjoy it my friends and have a good time. But, please be safe, and see it for what it really is. Don't make me come round there with that big fat dose of reality without the sugar coating on it that will make you open your eyes. I hate taking medicine myself, so I don't exactly relish the thought of forcing it down someone elses throat for their own good. Be real, have fun with it, and have no regrets, and when you are done with him just grab that stone marked "fun times" and move on. No seances needed. And if he returns to haunt, hit delete, he had his chance already.
T.T.F.N (Ta ta for now)