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Monday, 26 May 2014

Just the way you are?

Have you ever had the joy of someone telling you that they love you "just the way you are", that you are beautiful "just the way you are?"
Have you then looked at that person and wondered if they have lost the plot? Have you looked in the mirror and wished that you also loved yourself "just the way you are"?

I have had those things said to me, by family members, ex partners and well meaning friends, and although, yes, it is very nice to hear those words which at times can be appreciated, I am afraid I will never be found saying the same sentiments back to anyone that I have in my life who I love (be it family, friends or spouse). It isn't because I don't love them "just the way they are", as I sincerely hope it is obvious that I do, with all my heart and soul. No matter what shape or size my loved ones are, no matter what hairstyle, look, or tattoo they are sporting, they will always carry a piece of my heart with them, regardless of outside appearances.
 The honest reason I wouldn't say those words to them is because they may not be happy with themselves "just the way they are". As a result they may have lost or reduced that sparkle that  makes me love them all the more. I would rather help them get that sparkle back, in which ever way I can, than fob them off with something that isn't really going to assist them.

We have all made the mistake, especially when we have been in a committed marriage or relationship, or if we have become stuck in a rut, or if the depression has decided it wants to join us for a tango. You look in the mirror, and you think to yourself  "This isn't me anymore, I'm not happy with what I see right now." And although, yes, hearing those words will initially make you feel better, lets be frank, it's only a quick fix. Give it a day or two, a crap day at work, an argument, whatever, and yet again you are looking at your reflection and feeling sad.

So, with this in mind, what would  I do with that person who is in that boat, hell what did I do to myself when I was in that boat? My suggestion is writing down the things that make you happy, that make you feel better about yourself, then putting those things into action. If you were happier being a few dress sizes smaller, then work on becoming a few dress sizes smaller again. If you like wearing a certain item of clothing, but only save it for special occasions, well guess what? I am going to tell you to get it out of that wardrobe right now and put it on, right now! So what if you are wearing your vintage dress (or whatever item it is) to grab milk from the store. If it makes you feel a million dollars, then that item should be the thing you wear the most. If you like wearing make up, painting your nails, doing mad things with your hair, getting your eyebrows done, wearing false lashes, then do it, even if it is to do the housework. If you like dancing to a certain song or playlist, play it loud my friends! If something makes you smile, and makes your world a happier place, then embrace it and make it a part of your everyday life.
I made the decision to get fit and healthy again, plus I wanted to be back in my slimmer clothes for my Birthday. I dusted off my neglected gym membership and gave it some welly. Even on the days I really didn't want to go I made myself, because I had a picture in my mind of who I wanted to be, plus I had a picture of who I had become, the person I didn't want to stay being. I also did a two week stint of slim-fast to kick start matters, and I made healthier food choices, e.g no more bread, very occasional take-away treats rather every couple of week take-away treats. I am now back into my size 10's and I feel a lot happier. I still eat and enjoy food, but I've also brought my old 'gym bunny' persona back to life. And now that part of me is back, I realize how much I have missed that fitness loving part of myself. I now hand on heart enjoy going, and I am starting to make a little small talk with some of the other regulars. This has also, as a result encouraged me to look after other aspects of myself, and I feel more comfortable with the woman who looks back at me in the mirror these days.

It may seem crazy but all these little things, no matter how minor, can make us who we are. They make us stand out, they make us feel good about ourselves. They give us a certain amount of individuality. The sad thing is, with day to day life, we can lose those things along the way, the things that make us smile. We then wind up looking in the mirror and wondering who the heck that person is staring back at us. I think as individuals, men and women, we need to remember those things that make us who we are. If it's doing 15k runs, or dancing badly to that cheesy Disney song with the kids. If it's singing at karaoke at the local pub, or mixing cocktails with your friends. If its hunting in the charity shops for a one off bargain, or using your designer bag when you go to the supermarket. If its spraying yourself with perfume, or or playing silly games with your children, which then makes them, as well as you laugh. If it's pounding your backside at the gym, or shutting out the world whilst listening to music. They all matter, and they are all important. So if, right now, that little something is not an aspect of your life, the last thing I will be saying to you is "I love you just the way you are". The reason I won't be saying that is because I want to see that spark, that thing that makes you 'you'. We can all lose our way and put out that light from time to time, every single one of us. But guess what, we can always get it back too. And that, my friends is exactly what I will be encouraging you to do, go and get it, and 'you' back. Be happy again.


Saturday, 10 May 2014

Bedroom Shoes??

I am a bit of an eBay addict. I am known for trawling though other peoples cast offs to bag myself a bargain on pretty much a monthly basis.
This month has been no different, well, bar the fact I hit the grand old age of 38 at the beginning of it! I've wondered though eBay in the mystical hope that a treasured item will materialize, and guess what, I hit the jackpot!
I was very lucky to receive nice gifts, money, cards, meals out and heartfelt well wishes for my birthday. It was definitely a case of good, happy times thanks to my lovely family and friends.
 I decided to put the money I was given to very good use. I wasn't going to be Miss Sensible and buy myself a pair of safe flat shoes, hell no! I wanted to be Miss Naughty and whack it up a notch, and let me tell you something, the shoes I bought take mischief to a whole new level.
 I've had my eyes on this particular style of Iron Fist heels for quite some time, and lucky little me found a pair on good ole eBay, my size, never worn (the seller claims they were an 'unwanted gift') for a mere score. Yes, I had to enter a bidding war, as they were originally up for a meager ten pounds, but luckily my competitor threw in the towel and the shoes went to their rightful owner.

I posted a picture of said sexy shoes on my Google+ account, to which one of my friends text and asked "Are those your bedroom shoes?"
 Now initially I was very confused by this question. Mainly because I live in a studio flat, so technically I don't have what is classed as a 'bedroom'. I also wondered, why would I hide these shoes away, only to be viewed by a bed partner when the time, ahem, arose? And being that at present, there is no 'bed partner' in my life (you work it out) these little beauties would never see the light of day.
So I answered the text with a big fat "No!" because, why should sexy shoes only be reserved for sex? Why should I limit the viewing pleasure to only one individual male? He (Whoever he may be) should be so damned lucky! Wear these shoes so only he can get his rocks off in private? No way! My shoes were bought so that I could get my rocks off, in public, on many many occasions. They may hurt after awhile, I may even twist my ankle, but hell these shoes were made for walking.

I know that my dear Mumsie will disapprove of these shoes (which she does with the other two pairs I own) and deem them as "slutty". But to be honest, if "slutty" can look this good, then I am going to cheerfully jump aboard the train of thought that claims the word "slut" is not actually a bad thing. There may even be a few other people who think I am nuts for buying a pair of sexy stilts, but let me come back with this, If you are having one of those dreaded 'fat days', guess what, the shoes will still fit. If you are having a 'hair from hell' meltdown, the shoes will draw the attention away from the birds nest above your head. If you feel a bit crap and want to rock up those jeans, take a wild guess what will take them up to a whole new level.
 I always say that a woman needs at least one pair of extravagant naughty heels in her life, the pair that once you own, you can never part with. And when it comes to these shoes, why on earth should they be reserved for the bedroom? Shoes have souls that should tread the ground. Those souls were not designed to face the ceiling. So for gods sake if you do have what is classed as 'bedroom shoes', well, just maybe, it's time to give them a new role. Take them out, show them off! Your lucky 'bed partner' has had enough privileges and private viewings, it's time for you to get your rocks public, on many many occasions!

Peace ;)