Saturday, 4 August 2012
My Single self
But please be rest assured that this is not a blog-post harping on about the joys of new found love. You, I, and said boyfriend in question should know by now that is not the sort of woman I am. I'm not going to spring forth with tales of flowers, soul mates and 'Happy ever afters' because if I did that, I know that I will vomit myself, so I do not want to induce the upchucks on anyone else who may stumble across my writings. I am not a fairy-tale believer who thinks that a person is not complete without their 'other half' nor am I a merchant who buys into the whole 'The grass is greener' stereotype.
Now that my fella is present in my life, I can honestly say that I can no longer imagine what my life would be like without him in it, I wouldn't want to lose him and I can only hope he wouldn't want to lose me either. But that does in no way mean that my single self does not pop up to haunt me from time to time.
She is like a ghost of me who wears all my skimpy clothes and dons the kind of shoes that would make a hooker jealous.
On rare and unexpected times she whispers in my ear and it drives me crazy.
This saturday night that has just gone by is one of those occasions where she has tried to remind me that although she is virtually non existant now, she will never disappear completely from my life.
She's been a part of me for so long that it would seem almost cruel to send her packing to the spinsterhood where the other ghosts of single women reside. But to be fair I just wish she would pick her haunting times more wisely, like when I am asleep, or when I am browsing in Ann Summers for toys or outfits. I wish that she and her little toolkit would return to their resting place when I go out with my gorgeous single girlfriends for a few drinks and a dance at the local club. And I can only hope that when a young male hottie hits on all of us that she will stay in her resting place and automatically go on mute. I wish that she wouldn't remind me that if said boyfriend had bailed out on the night (like he almost did) that we got together, he would have ended on a seperate path to mine, and then, as a result, the young male hottie may have ended up spending the night at my pad, but not getting any sleep if you catch my drift. I wish she wouldn't give me flashbacks of encounters long gone and I wish she wouldn't insist on reminding me that I have a much more colorful past than my fella which may make him question what the hell he is doing with me in the first place.
But she does insist on haunting me, and reminding me of a past existence that was once mine. She will lurk, and whisper and convince me to wear those heels that kill my feet. She points at all the low cut tops and plays the songs I used to listen to on repeat when I was alone. She wakes me up in the dead of night to remind me of what I have achieved and what I have gained whilst she ruled my world. She tells me that no matter what I will always survive and that I can count on her, as to be fair she is me, boyfriend or not. So I owe her an awful lot and have to forgive her for her little whisperings and clothing/shoe choices. I have, as a result, made the decision not to ignore her entirely, but to instead pass her words onto others. So if I am out with you one night and a young male hottie hits on you, don't be surprised if I tell you to 'Give him one for me', just like I did to one of my single counterparts this saturday (she didn't, in the end, 'give him one', this time, but who knows next time). It will be my single self talking, and although I can't take her advice personally anymore, as she's already finished with me, that does not mean she has to go on mute and in anyway finished with you lot. So all I can say is long may she haunt me and whisper 'Give him one for me' so that I can pass it on to others.