I have always been one of these people who is not happy with what they see in the mirror, I have wished to be thinner, have smaller breasts, longer legs, firm abs, thicker hair....the list is endless. My tastes in music and the like don't generally conform to popular culture, and my dress sense usually reflects this. I am not one of those women who melts into a pile of goo when walking past a wedding dress shop, and I do not dream of the day I will be tripping down the aisle myself.
I work with children, which is rewarding but exausting, so as you can imagine, I am not a big bundle of broodiness. I generally don't embrace all things girly and I suppose I can be seen as an oddbod.
I used to hate the fact that I didn't feel like I fitted in with the trends, I wished that The Fairy Of Normality would visit me whilst I was asleep and wave her magic wand. I wished I would become one of those girls who loved all things pink and who liked the music that could be heard blasting out of the local nightclubs and bars. A woman who went out in dresses that reflected her femininity, who could totter in sandals, and who constantly checked her make up for any smudges. But in truth this is so far away from who I am that it is almost funny, I hate pink and I love heavy metal music. I can end up looking like Alice Cooper at the end of a good night out and my hair is usually stuck to my face. My attire mostly involves denim skirts or jeans with vest tops or band tee's. Doc Martens, Converses, Vanns and lately Iron Fist heels adorn my feet and usually there is something with a skull design somewhere about my person.
I have tried to conform so that I blended in with the crowd, and I tried to kid myself that deep down I was happy when doing so, but in truth I wasn't happy, and as a result I was lying to the one person who will always be there no matter what happens, myself. So in the end I decided that I had to be true, and accept who I was warts and all. It was no use wishing that I could swap bodies with someone else, as it was a waste of energy as well as time doing this. So now I accept myself with all my flaws (and trust me there are more than a few) and appreciate what I have. I no longer wish I could be normal, because if I was normal I wouldn't be me. I often make mistakes, can be stupid, sometimes forget things and can be a little nutty, but I'm human and lets be fair, nobody on this earth is perfect. I'd like to think that I love with all my soul and I am generally an honest person. My loved ones mean the world to me, and although I don't always show it, I know my life would be the pits without them. In life I generally give 100% of my efforts, and I don't give up without a fight. If you are an important person in my life I guarantee I will have your back and I will believe in you no matter what.
I wouldn't say I was hugely confident or that I love myself and my life, but I now realise that as well as my faults I also have some good qualities thrown in. The whole bundle makes me who I am and I have accepted that I cannot change that. I surround myself with those who accept me as I am, and I in turn accept them as they are. There is enough fakery out there already, don't you think, so lets not add any more to it hey?