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Wednesday, 25 January 2012

How to be single

I often get asked about my single status, questions like "Do I get lonely?" "Am I on the look out for another man?" "Do I look at my coupled up friends and get jealous?" Readers of my blog, I hope, would get an idea of who I am from my posts, and realise that the answer to all of these questions is a resounding "No!".
I won't lie, it isn't always easy being a single woman, especially when you have come out of a painful break up which leaves scars. It can cut like a knife when you watch your peers pair off, get married and have babies. Especially if you were once even only slightly dreaming of making those plans yourself, and were sometimes found having chats about those dreams with said peers. To then watch them go on to fulfil thier dreams of the marriage and babies whilst your dreams lay in tatters around your feet? Well, then the cut can go just that little bit deeper can't it? But I do not resent my friends for this, nor do I feel like I no longer fit in with them. I am still a firm feature in thier lives, and they are very much a firm feature in mine. Yes my circumstances have changed, but I have long ago learned that if the people you have in your life are genuine, it shouldn't matter in the slightest what status you come under. Once I came away from my previous boyfriend, I decided that I would stay away from the relationship scene for the forseeable future, and my family and friends supported me every step of the way. I realised that it was more wise for me to keep my heart for myself rather than offer it to another, who would no doubt only go on to return it, broken and bruised, for me to fix again. I wanted to take the time to heal rather than have another man provide a band-aid that may fall off anyway. And in this journey I have discovered that there is no shame in being single, that it doesn't come with a courtesy leper sticker which magically attatches itself to your forehead. It doesn't make you a freak who is undesirable to others, and it isn't a fast track train to the land of 'Billy No Mates'. It is quite an adventure, and although the road is rocky at times, there are perks to being a solo rider, and I will take this opportunity to address them here.

Forget about Bridget Jones singing "All By Myself" whilst downing a bottle of wine, that's just a myth created from a different era, single women have it so much better these days. It is much more acceptable to be alone. Whilst you are single you can do whatever you want, whenever you want.
 Fancy flirting with the cute guy at the bar? Go for it my friend. End up wanting to do more than just flirt with the cute guy at the bar? Why on earth not!? Just be safe though, yes? Wake up the next morning and decide that the cute guy at the bar is yesterdays news, well, what the hell? I'd lay my bottom dollar down that he has done similar things himself on more than one occasion.
 You can meet up with your pals of either gender whenever you want, and are accountable to nobody for doing so. How many times have I heard friends (of both sexes) tell me that they are not happy with their spouse being friends with, or meeting up with that buddy from the other gender that they've been friends with for years. How many times have I heard friends (again of both sexes) say that they have banned thier spouse from being friends with, or meeting up with that buddy from the other gender that they've been friends with for years. Well guess what my fellow single comrades, that problem isn't ours! We don't have that worry on our minds at all. Liberating, isn't it?

And its not just the opposite sex I want to talk about here, no way! There is much more out there if you want it. The possibilities are endless if you want to embrace them. Work towards a promotion if thats what you want. Take a career u-turn and try something new if it tickles your fancy. Try a new hobby. Go out somewhere alone (again, be safe though please) and see who you meet. Do whatever you want, the world is yours for the taking.

If I hadn't made the decision to stay alone when things fell apart with my ex, I wouldn't be here right now, living in my own place, which is fulfilling a long-term dream that I once thought would never become a reality. This blog would never have been written. "Not your stereotypical thirtysomething woman" could have very well become someone elses creation, had I have gone on to seek solace in the arms of another man rather than go on my path of self discovery.
 I would never have learned so much stuff, good and bad, about myself, and I would never have realised who I really was, and then discovered that I quite liked the person I had become. I would never have met the people I have, or made the new friends that I now wouldn't be without.
 Trust me though, whilst I say this, I am not trying to say that this life is perfect, as life never is. I am also not saying it is a bed of roses, because it isn't. Standing on your own two feet is tough, for your heart and for your finances, but I think it is worth it, all of it, the rough and the smooth.
 My path is a single one for now, and though I am not saying that it will be forever, it will stay this way for the forseeable future. I want my path to entwine with a significant other who is the right one, as I, and all my other single comrades, deserve nothing less. And until that time comes, I will live my life the way I wish. I will not just wait for Mr Right to bring me what I want and need, I will get it for myself. I've not done badly so far, so will continue as I am for awhile longer.
 I will sign out now, whilst listening to Brian Adams "Summer of '69". Great song, brings back so many memories, but when he sings "Those were the best days of my life", I can't help but disagree with him, because these are the best days of my life, right here, right now!


  1. Love the blog entry. The greatest part of being single is the sheer utter freedom, enjoy it always and feed your creativity and lust for life with it and find those who feel the same and share it. Your standing tall hun and lookin good. Peace x

  2. Thankyou, you put a smile on my face and the comments are always appreciated :)